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Listening to

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There is a particular kind of relationship that can be difficult to explain because technically, nothing happened. There was no official relationship to break up, no anniversary to remember, and no clear moment when someone said, "This isn't going to work." Instead, there are just moments: a conversation that seemed a little more meaningful than it needed to be, a question that made you wonder why they were asking, or a feeling that seemed mutual even if nobody ever actually said so.

Sometimes there is a genuine connection between two people, but for whatever reason, it never becomes anything more. Maybe one person isn't ready, maybe circumstances get in the way, or maybe both people are simply too afraid to acknowledge what is happening. And I think that is what makes these situations so difficult. When something ends, you can at least point to what you lost. When something never really began, you're left wondering what exactly you're supposed to be grieving.

These are the songs on this playlist that make me think about that space between *something* and *nothing*.

## Edge of the Earth — The Beaches

I first heard *Edge of the Earth* when The Beaches opened for a concert I went to this year. Soon afterward, I watched *Off Campus* and really fell in love with the song, playing it on repeat. I tend to interpret the song from the male perspective, especially with the line "She's a fire sign." I don't take that as dismissive of astrology; instead, it feels like he doesn't necessarily understand it but is willing to take it seriously because it relates to her.

The "cold night" and wanting to be close to the heat feels like being a closed-off person who wants love and affection but is afraid of being hurt. The second verse feels similar. He knows he isn't always there when she needs him and recognizes that as a problem, but he also seems to psych himself out and convince himself that she doesn't or couldn't want him.

The chorus feels like this woman has completely rattled his world by giving him feelings that are outside his comfort zone. Even though those feelings are frightening, he still wants her. The third verse feels like he's worried about getting too close because his own problems could affect her and potentially doom the relationship. At the same time, he's not completely afraid of that possibility because he believes that whatever happens, they'll find their way back to each other.

That is what makes this such a yearning song to me. It's about seeing yourself as defective or having problems, worrying about how those things could affect your relationships, but also not completely giving up on yourself. You can be afraid of what might happen and still want the person. You can think that you might not be good enough for someone and still hope that somehow things will work out.

Even though I originally chose the song because of the vibes and its connection to the show, the chorus really stuck with me even before I dissected the lyrics.

## Casual — Chappell Roan

I've been listening to *Casual* since it came out, and I originally connected with it while trying to get over a friendship that had turned into a "will they, won't they" kind of situation. The lyrics don't necessarily match my experience one for one, but the overall concept does. It captures that confusing space where you're left questioning what something actually meant and whether you were the only person who thought there could have been something more.

That's where the repeated question of "Is it casual now?" really hits for me. Was it casual when I helped you get over your past relationship? Was it casual when we finally saw each other in person months later, after barely talking, and one of the first things you asked me was whether I was seeing someone? Was it casual when you wanted me to keep you company on the phone during your long drive home?

Maybe none of those moments actually meant what I thought they did, but when you put them all together, it becomes difficult not to wonder if there was something underneath them. I think that is what makes this kind of situation so difficult. You can look at each individual moment and come up with an innocent explanation, but when you remember all of them together, you start wondering whether you were imagining the entire possibility.

Eventually, you start to accept that maybe it really was casual. Maybe you were reading too much into things, or maybe there was never anything there to begin with. And once you accept that, there is almost a second layer of hurt that comes with it. You end up hating yourself for ever believing that something could have happened, even though the moments that made you believe it felt real at the time.

That's the combination that makes this song resonate with me so much: confusion, hope, and eventual disappointment. You aren't necessarily mourning a relationship that ended. You're mourning the possibility that there might have been one.

## Steady — Bella Kay

*Steady* is another song I first came across through a TikTok edit, specifically the bridge. The repetition of "I can't" alongside the quieter "I want" in the background is what initially pulled me in. There is something about that section that feels emotionally overwhelming, especially when it follows the line "I'll never be yours," which is a part of the song I've always loved seeing used in edits.

I also relate to a lot of the song's overall ideas, particularly the feeling of not deserving love or believing that someone could never truly love you back. I know the song is ultimately about one person going back and forth between wanting a relationship and feeling like they can't commit to one. But I especially love how TikTok edits have used the song to represent two people, because it creates this strange combination of heartbreak and warmth.

I picture one person desperately wanting to be with the other, willing to accept almost anything just to have them, while the other person wants them too but feels like they can't be with them because of their own personal reasons, whether those reasons are logical or completely based on their own thoughts and insecurities. That contrast makes the bridge hit even harder. One person is saying, essentially, "I want you," while the other is saying, "I can't."

What makes the song especially heartbreaking to me is that it feels like the person singing is aware that their thoughts about themselves are irrational and harmful. They recognize that they are the one keeping themselves from being happy, and for a moment, you almost expect them to overcome those thoughts. There feels like there might be a chance that they could finally let themselves have the relationship they want.

But then the song ends with "So I will never be yours." It brings you right back to where the song started. Despite recognizing their negative thoughts and knowing they are holding themselves back, they still can't overcome the belief that they could never be loved. There was a possibility of a different ending, but ultimately, they weren't able to let go of that belief.

That is what makes the song fit so well with the idea of an almost relationship to me. The feelings may be there on both sides, but wanting something and being able to have it are two completely different things.

## Legendary Lovers — Katy Perry

*Legendary Lovers* is another song I discovered through TikTok edits. For me, it really comes down to the lines "Legendary lovers, we could be legendary." I love how those lines are used in edits, especially when they are paired with two people who clearly belong together but aren't able to be together because of circumstances outside of their control.

There is something really romantic about the idea that, if they were finally given the chance to be together, they would be unstoppable. Their relationship would be something extraordinary, almost larger than life. It feels like a love that is so pure and genuine that keeping these two people apart almost feels wrong, like stopping them from being together is a tragedy in itself.

The appeal isn't necessarily that these two people are already in a perfect relationship. It's the idea of what they *could* be if they were given the opportunity. There is something almost bittersweet about watching two people who seem like they could have been incredible together but never get the chance to find out.

Maybe the timing is wrong. Maybe circumstances make the relationship impossible. Maybe there is something else standing between them that neither person can control. Whatever the reason, the relationship remains a possibility rather than a reality.

And I think that can sometimes make the idea of a relationship feel even more romantic. When you never get to see what would have happened, there is nothing to contradict the possibility. You can imagine that, if they had only been given the chance, they really would have been legendary.

That is what makes the song so appealing to me. It's not just about two people being in love. It's about the tragedy of seeing what two people *could have been* and knowing they may never get the opportunity to find out.

## Almost, But Not Quite

These four songs approach the idea of an almost relationship from very different directions. *Edge of the Earth* is about wanting someone while being afraid that your own problems could prevent the relationship from working. *Casual* is about looking back at a connection and wondering whether you were the only person who thought it meant more. *Steady* is about two people who might want each other but can't seem to overcome the barriers keeping them apart. And *Legendary Lovers* takes that idea to its most romantic extreme: two people who could have been extraordinary together if only circumstances had allowed it.

What connects them isn't necessarily whether the relationships actually existed. It's the possibility of what they could have been.

I think that might be the strangest thing about almost relationships. Sometimes the thing that stays with you isn't what actually happened. It's everything that *could have happened*. You can have memories of the moments that made you wonder, but you can also have an entire imagined future built around those moments.

What if I had said something? What if they felt the same way? What if the timing had been different? What if neither of us had been so afraid? What if circumstances hadn't gotten in the way?

There isn't always an answer to those questions. Sometimes you eventually decide that it really was nothing. Maybe you misunderstood the situation, or maybe you were the only person imagining a future that never existed. Other times, you may never know. Maybe there really was something there. Maybe the other person felt it too. Maybe you both wanted the same thing and simply couldn't make it happen.

And perhaps that is why these songs feel so different from songs about a relationship that actually ended. There is no definitive ending to an almost. There is only the version that happened and all the versions that didn't.

Sometimes the hardest thing to let go of isn't a person. It's the possibility of who the two of you might have been.

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